Ever since I was a youngster, I have always needed something new to keep me interested. I get bored very easily… I am sure that had I not had children in my thirties I would have embarked on a change of career of some kind just to keep me challenged and satisfied. I am starting to feel like that again. It has been 9 months since I last had a full time job, I knew I would get to this stage of ‘make or break’ at some point, just not this quick.
My main purpose in life is to support my family, but to do that I have to retain my sanity. Up until recently I was able to do that by starting my blog and writing my first novel. Now that the dust has settled on all that, I need to motivate myself anew to continue writing as an outlet to calm my state of mind.
I really don’t want to give in and get a lil’ part time job just for the sake of it, because if I do, although I will be earning, my dreams of becoming a writer will be on the back burner again. Also, it will mean yet again sorting out child care for my own children, which is not what I’ve been striving for. Even though they are getting older I still don’t want to miss anything!
A good example was the other morning walking to school. My son suddenly declares “Mummy, mummy, wow look at this!” I turned around not knowing what to expect… “This bird, it’s just eaten a worm!” He is nearly 11 years old and apparently he tells me he has never seen a bird do that before up close! It is so wonderful to me that he is still spellbound by the magic of nature and it hasn’t been totally lost with all his gaming obsessions. It also reminds me that he is still ultimately a child, and will be for some years yet. Just having the time with them in the morning means so much… not like when I was in a constant rush and panic to get to work and didn’t pay much attention to anything else…
I have also come to the realization that with my daughter only having a few years left at primary school, this really is a time to cherish. You could argue that at any age, but this is the last years of innocence, and I want my daughter to have my full attention!
It was refreshing yesterday to discuss with my children what colour they would like for their magic bands at Disney. I had paid the balance off (skint-a-saurus!) and saw it as a great excuse to start talking about the holiday… despite the fact it’s months away! It put everyone in a good mood and was a real tonic. I am afraid I am a Disney addict. Just giving myself the ‘Mrs Incredible’ logo on my Disney profile makes me smile. I love to be lost in the Disney bubble for a couple of weeks, acting like the big kid I don’t often get the chance to be! My Grandparents took me for the first time at the age of eight, shortly after my mum passed, for both their sakes and mine.. and I have been hooked ever since…
It sounds corny, but it really is where happiness lives, and I get the same feel good factor now that I did at a young age. My son is old enough now to go on all the big rides and my daughter, although still obsessed with ‘It’s a Small World’ and ‘Peter Pan’ rides, is slowly coming around to taking a few more risks. It means we can all stick together as a family, rather than splitting up to go onto different rides. Although my son is still trying to get me on the “Tower of Terror” which I had vowed never to go on again!! My husband won’t budge either though so my money’s on him talking me round…
So, what to do… Well thank my lucky stars that’s what! I remember some of my work colleagues telling me to ‘just enjoy it’ and not stress about feeling guilty. However I think I’m learning to be at peace with the ‘guilt’ thing.. It’s the boredom thing that is still nagging away at me! So much so I even started looking into Open University courses last week, much to my husband’s despair!
Hey ho! I just need to find a way to keep motivated, as when I’m writing I’m fine. It’s when I’m not that’s the problem. I know, I’ve got a great idea!! I just stop doing household chores, and get on the flipping lap top!! (Good excuse to avoid the ironing pile which is just getting bigger and Bigger and BIGGER!!!)
“It’s a Small World after all… It’s a Small World after all… IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!!” Sing it with me!!!
My kids – “Oh god, she’s off again…”
Target: Long Live the Mouse! (oh, and Mrs Incredible – Daddy loves her boots!)