Coping with Stuff!

When I decided to start this blog it was very exciting.  It was something completely different to anything I’d embarked on in the past and a totally new world.  The networking aspect of the endeavor seemed like a complete minefield (and still does a bit to be honest).  Trying to get my head around how it all worked and the best way to make new alliances whilst maintaining and attempting to improve the blog’s exposure, it takes a lot of graft to keep going.   I actually had to stop myself getting too obsessed with the number of followers my new blog was getting on Social Media.  It was almost like an addiction to keep checking if the number had gone up or down.

I just had to take a step back into real life and leave the virtual reality alone for a bit.  I can totally relate to the young people of today getting totally obsessed with their so called ‘popularity’ judged by followers.  It is rather scary.

I’ve got to be honest I had no idea how time-consuming the whole process would be.  I have had to remind myself of the reason I started this blog in the first place.  It was a way of sharing my experiences and maybe making a few new kindred souls on the way.  I still enjoy this process but have learned not to spend too much time on social media and concentrate more on real life instead.

The pressure which seemed to build and build when I hadn’t written anything for a few days is not completely under control, but this is meant to be fun!  I’ve just got to put things in perspective.  The main reason for doing this is to give myself the purpose I need to maintain my sanity, not to create stress where it is not required.  I get my fair share of that just as a Mum and Wife Thank-you-Very-Much!

We also have the looming cloud of an appeal for our son to get into his local secondary school.  It seems impossible to start planning his new adventure without knowing which school he will end up at!  I received all the bumff from the school at which he has been accepted, with a gazillion forms to fill out in the next few days.  It also gave details of my son’s induction day.  Now, as the school is miles away it will be impossible for me to be in two places at once.  Therefore I will need Daddy’s help which will probably mean him booking some time off.  However when I showed him the letter, he took one look at the school name and put it back in the envelope “I’ll worry about that when I have too” he states.  I then try to explain about taking time off, but he doesn’t want to know.  He is basically ignoring it until after the appeal, which isn’t going to take place until June I might add…  Lucky for me I cannot ignore it, as all the chuffing forms still need filling out regardless.  I just want it over with, but I guess the main thing is that my son is oblivious to all this stress.  He is just his happy go lucky self the majority of the time and I know he’ll be okay regardless.  It’s just his neurotic Mumma who can’t cope with it all… But it’s just because I care!

It didn’t help that I thought my husband hadn’t noticed my new hair do last night, minor I know, but it just added to my downer.  Then this morning he pipes up “Morning Blondie”, “Oh, so you did notice then?”, “Yeah well I was tired last night”.  Great, I think I’m just feeling a bit over-sensitive right now, best try and get that under control too!

Big hugs required at school pick up time me thinks…

Target:  Cope

Pending!

 

 

SAHM – Keeping the Faith?

I don’t know whether it’s just because the first week back is always difficult to adjust to, but I’m feeling decidedly uneasy about keeping my mind nourished.  Don’t get me wrong I’m happy to be around for my kids in my SAHM role.  Not least on a day like yesterday where I got a call from the school as my son had decided to kiss the concrete on the playground.  I was rather shocked when I saw him though, I was just expecting a couple of scratches and he limps through to reception with a bandage across his eye!  As it happened it looked worse than it was, as these head injuries tend to.  There was a cut across his eye brow and he was badly grazed and bruised along the side of his face, but mainly he was just in shock.  Once I got him home in front of the TV with some Easter Choc and dosed up with Calpol he started to cheer up.   The poor lad, it doesn’t help that all his mates seem to be off to the Grammar school in September, and we’re having to appeal just to try to get him into the Academy around the corner!  ‘Over-subscribed’ they say..  So why not send him on a bus to a school nineteen miles away in the middle of nowhere!  It’s never easy … I feel that I need to be here for them more with every challenge that is thrown at us.

Unfortunately though that doesn’t mean I don’t feel that something is missing.  My days are busy, as all Mums are.  The normal chores, exercise four times a week, blogging, writing my books, school events, supporting my family etc.  It all fills the time quite well thank you.  So why do I feel on such a downer?

I wonder if it is just the fact I am not earning a regular wage any more.  I had a conversation with my husband about how I feel.  He reassured me, by telling me that I contribute in so many other ways, he couldn’t do what he does if I didn’t support him and the kids as I do.  I understand this, and want to continue to support my family in any way I can.   We were chatting while having a lovely meal at his Football Club in the Hospitality Suite, my treat to him as it was the first time in eighteen years he had got me anywhere near the place.  I am glad I went, not least because it was actually a good game and his team won – bonus!  All that said, that is his world and it will probably take another eighteen years to get me back.  I would definitely recommend doing the hospitality thing though, a nice meal and few glasses of vino certainly sweetened the experience.

So maybe it isn’t the money, maybe it’s my (in the words of beyonce) “Independent women” gene kicking in.  I have always been this way.  I had many years living a bachelorette life with a thriving career before I met my husband.   The decision I made once the kids came along to take a break, to care for them and for my aging Grandparents was the right one at the time.  It is certainly not one that I regret.  The only problem is, ever since leaving the career treadmill, I have never really managed to replace it with a sufficient substitute to keep me satisfied.

I guess I have always been a naturally social person too.  It is getting increasingly difficult to motivate myself to work at home.  I have not touched my writing for several weeks, I really need to buckle down on my sequel, but it’s just not happening at the moment.  I feel like I’m whinging again..  I am thankful for my situation, I am very lucky, I know this.  But it doesn’t stop me feeling like there is just an element of my life missing, I’ve just got to find it!  The saying ‘the grass is always greener’ comes to mind.  I know it isn’t and I don’t want to go anywhere else.  I want to find it here!

Better keep searching, in the meantime I need to get my bottom in gear and get back to my writing.  I understand why a lot of authors are seen as loners and eccentrics now!  And I am certainly not either!  (A good excuse not to do the ironing again of course..)

Target:  Keep the SAHM Faith!

Done! (Well almost)

Keep the Magic!

We have made it through our wonderful Easter holidays and now the reality of routine hits hard!  No matter how many times I had to nag my kids to stop trying to kill each other it was still lovely being at home together with no real place to be.  Daddy also managed a few days off over the Easter weekend although he probably feels like he has gone back to work for a rest today!

I vaguely remember Daddy asking “Why is Mummy so Grumpy children?” on his return home from work on the Wednesday, obviously in a jolly good mood at the prospect of 5 days off…  I therefore had great pleasure in reminding him of this, as by the 3rd day he was also decidedly grumpy and fed up of nagging the children to stop maiming each other!

My son was quite pragmatic in his approach to Daddy’s time off “Well Daddy you have some time off work!  Well, you still have work here, but never mind…I bet you’re still happy Daddy?”    My son, ever the realist was probably referring to the list of home jobs which I (and my daughter I might add) had been reminding him of constantly all week.  I am happy to announce that Daddy did manage to tick most of them off his list.  He didn’t however get as far as his own list.. So clearing out the Garage will have to wait until next time?

Easter Sunday I was awoken by my over-enthusiastic daughter at stupid-O-Clock to ask if she could go see what the Easter Bunny had left in the garden!  My reply, was “don’t be silly darling, it’s not like it’s Christmas!” As Mummy had certainly not yet bounced around the garden planting chocolate eggs at that daft time in the morning!  My husband and I even ended up having a debate about the whole Easter Bunny thing.. (Remembering this was the day he had reached ‘Grumpy Daddy’ mode).

I did manage to drag myself out of bed eventually and go and set the whole jolly Easter egg hunt up!  The children and I went downstairs and had a jolly old time, much fun being had and much laughter.  However when I went to find Daddy still upstairs in bed and asked him if he’d like to watch the video I took of all the frivolity…  “No I do Not!” was his reply.  Rather taken aback, and wondering what his problem was, I replied “So, you don’t want to see your children having lots of fun in the garden then?” (in disgruntled tones of course).  “I don’t agree with it.  Our daughter still believes in the Easter Bunny for god sake!”  “So what?  She still believes in Santa too! What does it matter!”

I mean, does it really matter, she’s 9 years old and still thinks a giant bunny delivers chocolate eggs to every garden in the world?  It sound bonkers, but then so does a jolly looking man with a red suit and a beard!  I, although surprised she still believes, have no problem with it.  My son, bless him goes along with it for her, and I don’t say anything one way or the other…  She will eventually no doubt be seduced by peer pressure in the playground and reside herself to the fact that neither magical creature exists.  But for now, it’s nice she still has the belief in the Magic.  I remember with great angst my Granddad telling me that Santa didn’t exist, and it’s a very painful memory..  I think I cried or something.  I guess he didn’t want me to be teased at school for believing…  My daughter is in every other way a very street wise, intelligent and charming human being and I’m sure she’ll survive a teensy bit longer believing…

Anyway Daddy did eventually cheer up…and we had a fab family day out together…  Daddy even managed to get into his daughters good books, by making a special trip to the shops on the way home to get her a JO-JO Bow!!!  She is now obsessed by them, and obviously has Daddy wrapped around her little finger after all….  I’m just happy she’s into the girly stuff for a change!  She’s even asked if she can have a girly day out shopping for her birthday next year… I’m so proud!   She might even consider a trip to get her toenails done for holiday with her Momma after all!!

Happy days…

Target:  Keep the Magic!

Done (For now..)